i no, like riitee?
by AfraidOfFalling
Summary: Severus Snape is in the wrong place -second-year Charms class- at the wrong time -involving an angry Ron with a broken wand. Disaster ensues. Rated K for "bad language" -you'll see what I mean.


I don't own HP!

I hereby apologize in advance for all the sentence fragments. I'm quite aware that they are fragments; it was purposeful. = /

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Snape stalked toward Flitwick's classroom, scowling rather ferociously as he carried a tightly-rolled piece of parchment.

A note from Minerva McGonagall.

To Filius Flitwick.

How did Severus Snape become message boy? Indeed, he did not even know what the note contained. It could have been a _love _note, for all Severus knew.

Alas, here he was, delivering some scrap of parchment to which he had no connection in the middle of a day that he'd have liked to have spent grading that pile of fourth-year essays currently cluttering his office.

Oh, the anger.

**Meanwhile, in Charms class**

Ron was angry.

Furious, in fact.

Harry and Hermione weren't entirely sure what he was so upset about. It must have had something to do with Dean, seeing as Ron kept throwing fatally poisonous glances at the boy. As to what Dean had said or done to offend, neither Hermione nor Harry knew.

Ron fumed. His ears were redder than his hair.

Dean was oblivious. He was calmly tossing a knut in the air while Flitwick lectured.

Then disaster struck. Seamous playfully batted at the knut while it was in midair, sending it sailing through the air. It hit Ron on the side of his face.

Ron turned and saw the former projectile circling to a stop on the floor. He raised his eyes to glare at Dean, his ears now purple. As if in slow motion, he raised his wand, pointing it at his classmate.

He opened his mouth, spewing out an unintelligible torrent of sounds, while Harry tried to grab Ron's wand to avoid catastrophe. But before Harry could have success, a stream of light burst from Ron's Spello-taped wand with a small _bang _and flew at an angle toward the door of the classroom.

Just as Snape walked through the door.

He was unable to defend himself in time; he had not expected an attack. So the curse hit him hard in the chest, causing him to stagger backward.

The room was silent. Snape stared at Ron, who now sat petrified in his seat, all malevolent thoughts of Dean utterly forgotten.

And then Snape started to speak.

"um, like, twenty like, points from like, griffendorr, weasley."

The air in the room thickened, nearly visibly. One could almost see the lack of capitalization and the blatant misspelling of "Gryffindor." At the front of the room a few students whispered nervously. Snape, however, did not seem to realize he'd said something strange.

Flitwick broke the silence. "Severus?" He asked in his squeaky voice. "Are you all right?"

"omg filius, like, dont be like, ridonkulous, like, of course im, like—"

Suddenly Snape realized what he'd said. His face whitened. Stepping into the room, his features taut and his jaw clenched, he approached Flitwick and handed the diminutive man the note.

"So, er, Severus..." began Flitwick again, tentatively. "_Are_ you all right?"

Snape grimaced and took a deep breath before opening his mouth.

"um, like, it seems rather, like, obvious, filius, that like, im like, not like, alrite."

Snape glanced around the room, looking at the children. Every student in the room was now frozen in fear, merely flinching as his eyes caught theirs. Feeling rather certain that further words would not increase his humiliation, Snape decided to risk speaking further atrocities and turned back to Ron.

"um, like, fifty more like, points from like, griffendorr, weasley, and like, a detention like every like, day for like the next like, week."

If anyone had had the courage to risk coming to Snape's attention by turning their eyes toward Ron, they would have noticed that by now, his face was the color of sour milk, and that he looked as if he were about to faint. But even in a room full of Gryffindors, nobody was of doughty enough heart to risk Snape's wrath by moving even a millimeter.

Snape swept toward the door, but paused at its threshold.

"oh, and like, by the like, way, weasley," he added in an ominous voice, "if like, this like, _affect_ like, doesnt like, fade in like five minits, u like will like, _wish_ that like, i would like, cut u like, up and like, use ur like, parts as like, potions engridiants." He smirked evilly at Ron's corpse-like expression and exited the classroom with much billowing of his cloak.

There is something to be said about a man who can still sound utterly terrifying even when forced to communicate in—er—such a fashion. (i no, like riitee?)

All in all, it was a very bad day.

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Please review! = )


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